I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize