just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
