i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
