What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
