watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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