i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
