I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize