I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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