8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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