doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
