I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
