you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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