i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
