i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
