every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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