I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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