My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
