I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
