I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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