what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
