Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
