Your face is a jimmy john
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I touched a dick in church today
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
