I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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