I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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