Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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