he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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