I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
