I bet he comes in French.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
