are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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