I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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