oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
