That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
