You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize