they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
