he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
