i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
