This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
