You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
