Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
