Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
