I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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