I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
