Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
