why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
