Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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