Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
