you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
