I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
