I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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