oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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