I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
