I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Congratulations! We have a period
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