so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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