can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
