it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
