arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
