I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
