OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
