Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize