If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
