Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
