Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
