just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
