Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
