Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
