I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
