& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize