I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Even my vagina gasped.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
