The maid of honor just puked.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
