he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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