Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize