I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
