I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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