Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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